The cost of dating takes its toll not only in Emotional Cost and Financial Cost, but also with the time and energy wasted on dating.

So how to turn this into a positive and go beyond positive thinking?

One, reflect on you past experiences.  Take your last two relationships for example and answer the following questions.

1)      Why did you break up?

2)      What were the biggest issues you had?

3)      When did you first notice the issue?

4)      Were these same issues raised early on in the relationship?

5)      Were you in the same relationship?

As Natalie at Baggage Reclaim says, “If one or both of you are in lala land and cannot be real, the relationship is doomed because you’re not equitable partners, you’re not in the same relationship, and you’re not working at the same relationship.

6)      Would you take that person back now or in the future?  Why or why not?

Once you have your answers, there may be a pattern.  For example, these last two ex’s may have exhibited the same traits eg commitment phobe, addictive personality, living an unbalanced life, cheated on you, lost his job then expected you to support him ….

The next step is to think about then write what you don’t want.

Eg 1 I don’t want someone who won’t commit to me.

Eg 2 I don’t want someone who is lazy and expects to be supported.

Next, turn the negative to a positive.

Eg 1 I want someone who is committed to me and our relationship.

Eg 2 I want someone who has a good work ethic and provides for me.

The following step is more on a metaphysical level.  There are certain words in the world which are powerless.  ‘Want’ or ‘Try’ are not helpful words.  If you want something, you are concentrating on the wanting, ie you do not have it and so are focusing on the lack.  Trying is similar.

For example –  Do these actions.

1                     Try to pick up a cup.

2                     Want to pick up a cup.

3                     Pick up a cup.

Now which of these actions actually resulted in the cup being picked up?  If you did it correctly, only statement 3 resulted in you really picking up the cup.

So we need to change the ‘I want’ statements into a state of being.

I want someone who is committed to me and our relationship.

è  “My partner is committed to me and our relationship.”

I want someone who has a good work ethic and provides for me.

è “My partner (husband, boyfriend, fiancée) has a great work ethic and provides for us.”

For even better results, hold  up a mirror and say those statements about you in the ‘I am’ pattern.

Eg 1 I am committed to our relationship.

Eg 2 I have a great work ethic and contribute to providing for us both.

How does it feel?

Usually what we don’t like in others, is actually an aspect of ourselves we do not like or are not comfortable with.  Eg Perhaps you have been the commitment phobe in the past and have attracted the same and blamed the other person.  Or you have not taken responsibility for your own financial wellbeing?

By becoming aware of our own past behavior, especially any repeated patterns, we can then use methods to clear these blockages and move forward beyond positive thinking.  We need to learn to attract what we want, really want ie want both consciously and unconsciously.  Eg Some people say I want a man with integrity and yet keep attracting men with double standards.  The above technique will help clear this pattern. ‘Power positive thinking’ can lead to you dating your soulmate in a short amount of time.  Begin with positive thoughts.

Have you tried these strategies before?  What were your results?  If this is your first time, let us know how it goes.

What your thoughts?