Firstly, I strongly believe that we all need to learn how to be in relationship with others.  This happens on two levels.  Some people are gifted communicators in general and and inspire others, while others seem naturals with their intimate relationships.  Both skills are learned and any greatness needs both knowledge and practice – that application of knowledge is wisdom.

picture of heart with light behind

Ladies, do you know how to get a man to listen to you? According to John Gray of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, we should request a meeting with him, give him the time, place and preferred outcome of the conversation.  Eg “Bob, will you meet me in the living room straight after dinner as I would like to tell you about my day.  I don’t want you to fix anything, just listen.”  Why will this most times work? Men need to know the parameters and likelihood of success. If success seems probable and the request is reasonable, he will most likely join you in the living room.

Men, how do you make the woman listen?  Sit down with her, without television or internet in the background. Ask her to listen without interruption.  Invite her feedback.  “Can you tell me in your own words what you think I mean by this?”

A man wants to do things for his woman.  Some men get so busy that they forget (or never knew) that each thing (act of service such as taking out the garbage, gift, compliment, hug) is one point or one deposit in her emotional bank account, not ignoring her for a week then buying her a car thinking it is worth 500 points.  A man needs to be appreciated for doing things for his woman.  Women, thank your man or do something special for him to show your appreciation.

Even in dating these same rules apply.  As Stephen Covey tells us, ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood’.  In simple terms, listen first and perhaps rephrase back to ensure you have understood then when that is clear (you are both on the same page), you can get on to being understood.  The reverse of this is the typical first date where one bores the other with details and is not interested in the person they are on the date with.  It does not matter if he/she is talking about their ex, day at work, career, current project, hobby – they are all pretty boring… get the other person to talk about themselves then genuinely listen.  If you do not do this, there most likely will not be a second date.

Men, pay for the first date.  Ladies let them!!!  No strings attached.  A dinner does not equal sex – if you want sex you pay for, that is NOT dating!

Part 5 will give more tips and recommendations for dating in particular.

Your thoughts?