Everyone wants to find true love – then why haven’t you found it?

One lesson I have learned is that life is short and if I just sit at home and wait for my Knight in Shining Armour – it will be a really long wait and he may never turn up!!!  I remember watching an Oprah show on Single Women – it was revolutionary for me – as with anything else in our lives – if we fail to plan, we plan to fail.  So if we want to get married we need to prepare ourselves!!!  [More on this later this month!]

We are human and crushes or infatuations happen.

As one love guru says

“Crushes can happen at any age.

The dictionary defines crush as “a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable or inappropriate.” So this feeling is for someone not likely to return your ardor.”

I love the Dating Goddess’s frankness and honesty in sharing her stories especially about knitting the scarves or baking cakes for her would-be beaus.  I myself would dress up then hope for him to notice.  Once or twice I even made it to a telephone call where I mentioned something like “a few of us are catching up later at….. if you’d like to join us.”  Men have since told me that they do not consider that to be someone asking them out on a date and as my friends have often told me the few men over the years that I did develop a crush on that were single didn’t even know about it anyway.  That I am sure is girl’s perception, men usually say well he probably knew, but he just wasn’t interested so pretended not to notice!  Oh well, that’s quite nice too.

For more click here – http://www.datinggoddess.com/midlife-crushes/

However what happens if he seems to be into you but over time he just doesn’t commit?  Well my recently single, beautiful, close family member rang me the other day, talking about the 3 P’s from a book she highly recommended ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man’.  They are Provide for, Protect and Profess that you are theirs.  So if you don’t have all three – well it looks most likely that the relationship will not go anywhere so you may as well get out now.

Love vs Infatuation:  So how do we know we are infatuated?

Well according to the ABC documentary, Secrets to Love, it all comes down to science and social science.

Social science:  We choose people similar to our same sex parent when we were a young child – uuugggghhh!  But food for thought!

And science –

“Infatuation also involves romance , which in neurological terms is basically obsessive compulsive disorder.”

Great – not!  Is there any hope for us?

The chemicals are serotonin and dopamine.  The latter reminds us what we like or are attracted to.

And then this is interesting…

“Lust (= testosterone) + dopamine (= attraction) –> hormones of attachment

Men and women have a bit of all of these hormones however the interesting thing is that during sex the amounts of these hormones increases 5 x for men and 12 x for women leading to a major difference in communication.”

Now this little gem I found both hilarious and also a revelation – post sex – the woman usually feels all warm and fuzzy and sees a relationship… maybe even daydreaming of a wedding…  while the man has just got his rocks off and is probably falling asleep or maybe wants something to eat.  So when the woman, who may even initially have only wanted a fling, starts being clingy – he freaks and runs!

If you develop a crush on someone, above all remember:

ü  Is he interested?  … no, wait…. before that – is he single and available?

ü  If you have been seeing him a while and you do not have the 3 P’s – consider moving on.

ü  If you do choose to jump into bed with someone you hardly know, do not expect your feelings of ardour to be returned.  Men and women are different.

ü  If there is no-one on the horizon – prepare yourself.

Thank you beautiful lady and until next time on your way to finding true love…  stay cool and do something special for yourself!

Can you remember your last crush?

Next post – What is true love and what does it look like?