So we have been considering Dating Mindset.  This is how we ‘set’ our mind to achieving desired results in our life, in this case with dating.  One aspect of this is becoming aware of your EQ Emotional Intelligence and learning how to develop yours.

So what is Emotional Intelligence?

It is the scale of your intelligence, but not your IQ, rather your EQ, which relates to your emotions.  When you have a high EQ you are mostly in control of your emotions:

You choose to feel what you want to feel, when you want to feel it, for as long as you want to feel it, to the extent you want to feel it.

Different to your IQ which remains mostly stable throughout your life, EQ can be developed.  In fact major research tells us that the main difference between middle and lower level management and those who are very successful, either senior executives in large companies or multi-millionaires is that they have developed their EQ!!!

Have you ever met someone who was so talented, perhaps already quite successful, who when things get tough, he/she crumbles?  They may be heard “But I don’t feel like doing….”  When we choose our actions according to our feelings we become controlled by external influences.  Why not aim for choosing to see and feel the positive in any situation?  (Look for the silver lining.)

Do not repress emotions

To learn to be in control of your emotions means feeling your emotions, including and especially, the ones you would prefer not to feel such as anger, sadness and fear.  If you repress your feelings they will bubble up inside you and explode out (as with a volcano) when you least want them to.

Additionally if you repress emotions long enough worse results can follow eg in Western society such as those in Australia and the US, women are not encouraged to feel anger, however sadness is okay.  Repressed anger can manifest in sadness and repressed sadness leads to feelings of overwhelming sadness and can lead to depression.

Men and anger

In similar cultures to Australia and the US, men are not encouraged to feel sadness or fear, so emotions often can only come out as anger – one of the few emotions allowed for men.  Often the man will have no idea why he is angry.  Have you heard such comments as:

“Don’t be a scaredy cat.” Or “What are you, a man or a mouse?”

So how can we learn to control our emotions?

It is said – healing is in the expression of the feeling!!!! And so it is.  Even movie star, Goldie Hawn, tells us to ‘be happy’, however Goldie also realized long ago that happiness also relies on us feeling the other emotions, in order to be able to be happy.

Suggestions to feel…

If you feel sad, watch a sad movie or if you miss someone who has passed away, perhaps go through old photos and remember your life with that person.  Even if for a while you cry hysterically, the crying will pass, and you will feel a release… and ready to feel other emotions such as joy!

Anger – why not swim laps, do aerobics, punch a boxing bag or yell into a pillow. If you are not sure which one will suit you, try them all and see what happens.

Fear – perhaps confront a fear such as heights.  However if you choose this one, go for your walk up a lookout tower with a trusted friend who is aware of your fear and who can assist you if you become fearful or need support.

What are some techniques that you have used?