This is the last instalment on this topic (for now).  So far we have looked at the change in dating and the roles of men and women over time, especially over the last few decades.

Values

Matching values is vital.  What do you stand for?  What are deal breakers with you?  Eg Is health and fitness a prirotiy or family or wealth or does the potential partner need to have the same religion or commitment to God?

Expectations

Expectations need to be realistic at the beginning and throughout.  Do not go into the date thinking you are going to meet ‘the one’, you are just setting yourself up for disappointment.  Rather consciously think of the reasons for dating – your expectations.  When you focus on what you want, you are more likely to attract it.

Do not expect your man to be your girlfriend – he has his own role and that is not doing girlfriend stuff such as going to the beauty salon or … (unless you are even more fortunate to have a man who is both a real man and all that entails and also enjoys being pampered.)

Consider this …. Why not let men be men?

We know men are wild at heart so why not encourage them to challenge themselves through healthy pursuits such as sport or fishing.  We know men want to be the bread winners and provide for their wife and family so support him and build him up with your words so he can focus and do that.

Desires of the heart – men and women are different

“Science and experience tell us to look at the core desires of a man’s heart vs a woman’s heart. A man desires a great battle to fight with his warrior within. That energy is not universal to women, but it is to men. While women want to be pursued. Every woman wants to be fought for. Look at films that men like and women like: men love Braveheart, Gladiator, and Lord of the Rings. Men tend to like the Aragorn figure, while women are drawn to Arwen. Women want to be the beauty. Not every man wants to be the beauty. When she was little she dressed up in twirling skirts. Women love Titanic, Sleepless in Seattle, and Sense and Sensibility.”

(source: http://www.menstuff.org/columns/overboard/eldredge.html)

A man wants to do things for his woman.  Some men get so busy that they forget (or never knew) that each thing (act of service such as taking out the garbage, gift, compliment, hug) is one point or one deposit in her emotional bank account, not ignoring her for a week then buying her a car thinking it is worth 500 points.  Men need to be appreciated for doing this.  Women thank your man or do something special for him to show your appreciation.

Learn to be in a relationship… no, this is not a repeat.  It is so important so it is in here twice J

Recommendations:

Read books such as the classics like ‘Men Are From Mars, Women are From Venus’ or ‘Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice’ by John Gray, or Allan and Barabara Pease’s Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Roadmaps’.  From a Godly perspective, I highly recommend ‘Captivating’ and ‘Wild at Heart’ by John (and Stasi) Eldridge, or ‘Fight Like a Girl’ by Lisa Bevere.

Your thoughts??