So far recent posts have covered the topics of Dating Mindset, EQ Emotional Intelligence and Personality Types.  Continuing on this theme, this one is about people skills.  More specifically it is about People Skills in general versus specifically in intimate relationships.

Increasingly today people get to their late twenties and even thirties without having had a committed long term relationship.  Even worse increasingly people have no models of what a traditional family type is – mum, dad, two or three children, all living happily or rather happily dysfunctional under one roof.

“Is it your fault?”

No, of course not.  Blame holds no part in a successful life.  Taking responsibility for your life does! When we have no examples to follow, our view of the world becomes skewed.  There are many places that we can learn how to be in a relationship.  Then the question will no longer be “Is it just me?”

Places to assist us to become a healthy family include your religious places of worship, government agencies dedicated to family counseling such as Relationships Australia, and even your place of work may offer various short courses as part of their healthy life balance policy to retain loyal employees.  Or hang out with people who are happily married.

How do I get someone to like me?

Smile

In general we instinctively know that for people to have a positive first impression, it begins with a smile.

Listen

When you actively listen to someone, you become interesting.  Why?  Everyone’s favourite topic is themselves and their own interests, so if you are genuinely interested in them, they will like you.

Be positive

Perhaps you have wondered why some people naturally attract many others, while others seem destined to live in isolation.  Some call it confidence, however these people may be as insecure as the next underneath, what is different is that they are positive and have an optimistic view of life.

If you do these things, will it improve your relationship (or chances of being in one)?

Yes, these strategies do help.  However the confusion seems to begin when people who are so ‘highly evolved’, in the area of self or personal development that they cannot see the differentiation of why an intimate relationship should be any different.  They may expect themselves and/or you to be positive all the time.  This is not real.  Your relationship with your significant other should be a sanctuary where you can be the intimate you – burping, farting, crying if you feel the need or angry. Hopefully when you were little you grew up with at least a mum who was there for you when the other kids were mean or you fell down.  Intimate relationships (partner, parent/child, siblings, best friends) are like that – being there for each other and supporting each other.  The expectations in a partner relationship will be different as you are heading through life together…

So how are People Skills different to skills for an intimate relationship?

Well, firstly intimacy is not sex.  Intimacy may include cuddling and sex, it also includes hanging out doing things even such as cleaning the car, washing the dishes, watching television and also doing nothing.  When you feel connected to someone in close proximity, that is intimacy.  Perhaps the confusion arises as problems in a relationship often emerge first in the bedroom.

Many gurus in this area refer to a love tank.  If you do not feel loved, it is quite likely that your partner also does not feel loved.  Learn what their love language is and how to speak it.  I highly recommend ‘The Five Love Language’ series.  There is even one for singles!

What if my partner won’t change?

It doesn’t matter.  If you want someone to change, you have to first change yourself.  For example, if you are being treated badly, stop accepting that behavior. Beware though, if you find yourself in no other place but to give an ultimatum, be prepared to follow through, or others will call your bluff.  On the positive side, if you praise your partner and focus on the good, especially when you don’t feel like it, you will be amazed at the change within the first few weeks.

Where can I get information to learn more about this?

Read through older posts in this blog.  There are many recommendations of books or leaders in this field.  If you have not already downloaded and read your free copy of my book ‘Find True Love’, why not do it now?

Your thoughts?